Hey guys. This is a little weird. I have never written a blog. If I'm being honest, I'd say that writing a blog makes me uncomfortable, mostly because it feels like I am talking about myself, to myself. BUT. If you are reading this, then I can feel a little better knowing that I am not talking to just myself. Although I'd like to keep this blog as my own record of what I do and learn during my three weeks in Switzerland, I know that some of you (perhaps secretly) actually want to know about what I do and learn, too. So thanks.
I have 10 days until final exams start, 12 days before they end, and 16 days until I leave the United States for the first time in my life.
I am nervous. I ought to be more excited than I am right now, but finals aren't over yet. Consequently, there's that dark, heavy cloud of impending doom and anxiety in my head that hasn't allowed me to fully realize that, in a matter of mere weeks, I am going to be all the way across the ocean studying robots (of all things) and hanging out with new people I have never met, but whom all share my geeky love for engineering. Despite the mental haze, I know that there is much to be excited and nervous about.
Let's start with the nerves. First off, I don't feel ready at all. What does it mean to be ready? I don't know, but I don't feel it. So, naturally, I must make a bulleted list. Here's one of all the butterflies in my stomach right now:
Hopefully, by the end of six weeks from now, I can look back on these goals and smile about each one. I can't wait to find out exactly how I will achieve them all. There seems like there are so many. But stay tuned, and we shall see.
I have 10 days until final exams start, 12 days before they end, and 16 days until I leave the United States for the first time in my life.
I am nervous. I ought to be more excited than I am right now, but finals aren't over yet. Consequently, there's that dark, heavy cloud of impending doom and anxiety in my head that hasn't allowed me to fully realize that, in a matter of mere weeks, I am going to be all the way across the ocean studying robots (of all things) and hanging out with new people I have never met, but whom all share my geeky love for engineering. Despite the mental haze, I know that there is much to be excited and nervous about.
Let's start with the nerves. First off, I don't feel ready at all. What does it mean to be ready? I don't know, but I don't feel it. So, naturally, I must make a bulleted list. Here's one of all the butterflies in my stomach right now:
- Ich spreche kein Deutsch. I realized the other day that I don't think I can comprehend just what it will be like to be in a place where everyone speaks a language that I don't understand. It's a helpless feeling, not being able to communicate. All of the Swiss people I will be interacting with at the university in Zurich will be switching over to English on our behalf, and I only wish I could show them my appreciation by knowing some of their language. But I don't. And I feel lame.
- Airplanes. I like flying in them. However, they are quite confined, and I have never flown in a plane for more than 4 hours. I am not sure if I am capable of sleeping on a plane, either. One of my more recent airplane experiences occurred a few years ago. It involved flying home from Arizona after barely recovering from a stomach bug that had landed me in the ER for dehydration while on vacation. All the while on the flight back I knew that if I were to get the urge to puke again (heaven forbid), I would not be able to get off that plane until it landed. I am pretty positive it's all mental and that I just have to remain calm. Regardless, I am worried I might think too much about the fact that I won't be able to get off the plane for 8 or 9 entire hours, and then proceed to have a minor panic attack while flying over the ocean. I am taking deep breaths, even now.
- I am also nervous about my ability to hold my own and make meaningful contributions among all the bright people I will be working with. I have been realizing more and more every semester how lucky I am to attend a university with so many smart people. And I thought I was a smarty pants. Ha.
- I could legally go to the bars. Whaaat? This intimidates me a wee bit. Being a youngin on this trip (just a sophomore among mostly upperclassmen), I am scared of being the only one naive to this scene.
- There are 28 students going on this trip with me and only 8 of them are women, myself included. In my mechanical engineering classes at the U, I don't tend to notice the heavy male to female ratio until I find myself in a room that is more than 20% girls, at which point I recall that it is indeed normal to see so many girls in one place (obviously). So why is there even a butterfly in my stomach about this? I am not entirely sure. But for whatever reason, there are still barriers in the back of my mind that make it hard or uncomfortable to be one of the few women on this trip. Take clothes, for example. This is probably silly, but I am afraid that no matter what suitcase I bring, it will be the biggest one out of anybody's. Another thing: my hair. One part of me thinks, pshaw, who cares? It will be what it will be, embrace it, while another part of me is thinking, what in the WORLD am I going to do without a hair dryer? I guess I will have to learn to buck up and just be ok with being that girl.
- I don't have a(ny) plan(s). This above all makes me feel unready, unworthy even, to go on this trip. I have not read nearly as much as I would like to about Switzerland, about what I want to do and see there, about the people and their cultures and values. I want to be able to appreciate this country, and not be that ignorant American that I know that I am.
- Learn about Switzerland. When I first heard about this seminar, I did not even know where Switzerland was on a map. After doing some research, Switzerland seems like an incredible place for a lot of reasons. They elect a new president every year, for one, and have four official languages. All trains run on time to the minute, and everything is organized, thought out, and planned to a tee. There is quite a lot of modern science happening, but also there are cows and cheese. To learn more about the country, I will have to get over my timidness and ask questions, so long as it is polite to do so (side note: there seems to be WAY to many ways to offend the Swiss. I really do not want to offend them, but am afraid I accidentally will). I might even talk to locals if they will put up with me.
- Learn to go with the flow. I want to be 100% ok with plans or no plans, clean laundry or wet laundry, shower or no shower, rain or shine (or snow...why not?), great photos or I-didn't-bring-the-right-lens-for-this-shot photos, money or (more often than not) no money. To accomplish this mentality, I will just think to myself, what would Rosie do? And I'll be fine.
- Make friends, both from the U and from Zurich. Friends are so great. But they definitely do not come prefabricated. In order to make friends on this trip, I will not spend a single night alone in my room. I will talk to people on the plane, sit with new people each meal, not complain about my hair or my feet, ever, if I can help it, and above all, say yes to invitations even if plans sound crazy, uninteresting, or are non-existant.
- Stand up for my ideas. Whenever I am inspired by the people around me, I tend to cower beneath their shadow and forget to acknowledge that I, of all humble people, have good ideas, too. Or at least I have ideas. On this trip, I want to learn how to stand up for, and ultimately behind, my own ideas.
- Listen to other people's ideas. Although this seems contrary to goal #4, I am not as good of a listener as I want to be. That said, my strategy will be to always listen first. And by listen, I mean listen without thinking about how my idea is better than everyone else's all the time.
- Gain confidence in my ability to network with professionals. This intimidates me SO much. But seeing as the group will going on a few industry site visits, and I will need to know how to network for the rest of my life regardless, I want to become less bumbley about it, stop cringing away in fearful avoidance, and just attack it. Confidently and genuinely.
- NOT get sunburned. This is probably my highest and loftiest goal for this trip. High and lofty though it may be, I will do everything in my power to protect myself from the sun's sneaky rays, not only for the sake of my skin, but because I know my mother would be deeply disappointed in me if I failed in this. I will not let you down, Mom!
- Take many pictures, but take each one for a reason (most of the time anyway). Yes, I'm going to be that tourist with that way-too-fancy-pants-looking camera. And yes, I'm going to take a ton of pictures of buildings, streets, wildflowers, mountains, trains, people, and maybe even food. But I want each shot to be at least a little bit thoughtful, keeping in mind that some things are best experienced when not seen through a viewfinder. Especially wildflowers.
Hopefully, by the end of six weeks from now, I can look back on these goals and smile about each one. I can't wait to find out exactly how I will achieve them all. There seems like there are so many. But stay tuned, and we shall see.